So many choices: Will "50 Shades" be one of them?

When my daughter was 15 years old, I had to explain to her why I didn’t think the movie “Sex in the City” was appropriate for her to watch. Now that she is a young adult and making her own choices, another movie coming out on Valentine’s Day prompted a conversation about our media selections. It made me think about how careful we are concerning what our children watch, but are we mindful as adults of our own media consumption habits?

How blessed we are that God loved us into being and gives us free will to make our own choices, to shape our own lives. Our journey is paved with choices. “God willed that man should be ‘left in the hand of his own counsel,’ so that he might of his own accord seek his Creator and freely attain his full and blessed perfection by cleaving to him.” CC 1730

To make good choices, we have to exercise prudence. According to St. Augustine, “prudence is love making a right distinction between what helps it towards God and what might hinder it.”

We are confronted in making good choices when it comes to the books we read, the music we listen to and the movies and television programs we watch. I confess I have not been as discerning and selective as I should have been at times. After all it was entertainment I reasoned, a brief detachment from reality. When we draw from a relativism play book based on a catechesis of a secular culture it’s easy to justify our choices.

However, as the rational beings that God created us, we have a responsibility to pay attention to what we feed ourselves, via our reading and viewing selections. Much has been written about how messages in the media can influence the public and the choices we make. Consider the millions spent by advertisers on commercials.

The flood of messages streaming from the airwaves, newsstands and online sites have distorted how a large segment of the population view relationships between men and women and what constitutes a loving union.

On Valentine’s Day, two movies open in theaters — “Old Fashioned” and “Fifty Shades of Grey.” The movie, “Fifty Shades of Grey,” is based on a book by the same name and is the first in a trilogy by E.L James. The book, aimed at female readers, has sold 100 million copies. It includes “explicit scenes and heavy doses of bondage, dominance and sadism.”

One only has to review the countless reviews to gleam the storyline and content of the book and now movie that have led some to refer to it as­ “Mommy Porn.” Not only have reviewers critiqued the quality of the writing, some have raised concerns about the distorted portrayal of relationships.

Nathan Nazario, producer of “Old Fashioned,” said “It surprises me, honestly — in a culture claiming to advance female independence and equality — that so few powerful voices raise questions about ‘Fifty Shades’”. “Behind the rating euphemism ‘unusual’ lies a crippling cultural fear or unwillingness to say any act is potentially harmful.”

The producers of “Old Fashioned” are promoting it as an alternative to “Fifty Shades” and playing up the differences between the two movies in one of the trailers – exploitation vs. innocence; “Unusual behavior” vs. thoughtful behavior. The Motion Picture Association of America rated “Fifty Shades” R for “strong sexual content including dialogue, some unusual behavior and graphic nudity, and for language.” According to a USA Today article (Jan. 9) The “unusual behavior” term, which has not be used before in rating explanations is likely due to the film’s sexual theme of “dominance and submission.”

Rik Swartzwelder, “Old Fashioned” writer, director, and lead actor, questions “Fifty Shades” long-term effects. “What happens when ‘harmless fantasy’ plays out in the real world — in young lives unsure of what lasting love looks like, much less how to get it?” he asks. “Unquestionably, the stories our culture lifts up influence young audiences.”

Swartzwelder’s script sprang from conversations with fellow singles, he says, struggling to pursue “God-honoring” and long-term love in a world fixed on short-term pleasure. 

St. John Paul II addresses the themes of marriage, family, sexuality and love as a gift of self in “Man and Woman He created them, a Theology of the Body” (TOB).There is much to unpack in this series of 129 talks he gave during his Wednesday audiences from 1979 to 1984.

Michael Waldstein in his introduction on TOB, notes, “The sexual revolution does not sufficiently appreciate the value and beauty of sex. It deprives sex of its depth by detaching it from the spousal meaning of the body. It favors the sexual lie, in which the language of radical gift is overlaid by the contrary language of individual autonomy and the use of persons for pleasure.”

Genevieve Kineke, in her book “The Authentic Catholic Woman,” writes, “Among all of the challenges of our fallen world, in this generation the misunderstanding about the God-given gift of human sexuality are paramount, and correcting them is the preeminent battle of our day.”

We have a say in the battle. We can help correct the misunderstanding by arming ourselves with information and by being prudent about our choices.

I remember as a child and well into my teens, my father was always cautious about what we saw on television. Even shows he deemed “appropriate” he felt the need to constantly remind us that what we were watching was fiction. “You know that’s make believe,” he’d say.

So why worry about the media we choose, especially those categorized as fiction?

The “Family Guide for Using Media” from the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops Committee for Communication, notes, “The media are so much part of us that to recognize their impact, we must step back and consciously think about how they shape our lives and what they are saying. An intelligent use of media can prevent our being dominated by them and enable us instead to measure them by our standards.”

“In this way, even many messages with which we cannot agree, inevitably coming to us from a diverse constellation of media, will not hurt us. They can even be turned to our benefit by whetting our understanding and articulation of what we believe.”

Just as what we eat matters, so does what we choose to read and watch. Bishop Daniel E. Flores on several occasions has said, “You are what you think about. You want to put the good things in your mind. ...It influences how we look at our priorities.”

These days as we swim against the current of popular culture and as my daughter makes her own decisions, I pray that each of us will discern carefully what we select and think critically about the messages that come across in the content. We must also be cognizant that we speak with our choices and how we spend our money. Our choices send a message as to what we value.

(Originally published in February 2015 edition of The Valley Catholic newspaper) 

Making time to climb a mountain

New Year, new possibilities. As much as I like the start of a New Year and the possibilities it brings, I don’t like how quickly the calendar fills with commitments, sometimes to the point of leaving no room to be still. I can only blame myself and my inability to say no, added to my tendency to fill any extra hours to capacity.

As I begin to mark my calendar this New Year, I want to make certain to include time to retreat and climb a mountain. Jesus taught us to retreat, to go up to a mountain top and find time alone to pray. “But he would withdraw to deserted places to pray.” Luke 5:16

Finding time to be alone is one of the reasons I enjoy camping and hiking. In past years I've had the grace to climb some incredible mountains – Mount Sinai in Egypt, Machu Picchu in Peru, Mount Rose in Nevada. Reaching the summit was challenging but the view of God’s creation and the silence was worth each strained muscle. Not only did each hike help me slow my pace, each helped me set aside distractions from my day-to-day routine. The hikes helped me pay attention, to take in the view. The long climbs also gave me time to think and to pray.

Granted, we do not have any mountains in the Rio Grande Valley, but we can set aside time to claim our own space, our metaphorical mountains, to sit in prayer and silence with God. One of my favorite spaces is in my backyard porch, either early in the morning before anyone wakes up or midmornings on weekends when I can sit and listen to the wind playing with the leaves.

While advances in technology have helped us become more efficient, it feels like all the latest gadgets also serve to keep us on a leash around the clock. Not only are we connected 24 hours a day, information streams in from all directions, making it a noisy world to navigate. Sometimes we have to disconnect, make time to be still, to go on a retreat, even if for a few minutes. Silence, solitude, and space help us become better listeners. In our noisy world, given all our distractions, how can we respond to what God is calling us to if we are not attentive to his direction?

“When messages and information are plentiful, silence becomes essential if we are to distinguish what is important from what is insignificant or secondary,” said Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI in his message for World Communications Day in 2012. “Deeper reflection helps us to discover the links between events that at first sight seem unconnected, to make evaluations, to analyze messages; this makes it possible to share thoughtful and relevant opinions, giving rise to an authentic body of shared knowledge. For this to happen, it is necessary to develop an appropriate environment, a kind of ‘eco-system’ that maintains a just equilibrium between silence, words, images and sounds.”

Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI also said, “Silence is an integral element of communication; in its absence, words rich in content cannot exist. In silence, we are better able to listen to and understand ourselves; ideas come to birth and acquire depth; we understand with greater clarity what it is we want to say and what we expect from others; and we choose how to express ourselves.”

Pope Francis reminds us as well, “In the history of salvation, neither in the clamor nor in the blatant, but the shadows and the silence are the places in which God chose to reveal himself to humankind.”

The Annotations to the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola, note “the more our soul finds itself alone and isolated, the more apt it makes itself to approach and to reach its Creator and Lord, and the more it so approaches him, the more it disposes itself to receive graces and gifts from his Divine and Sovereign Goodness.”

There are different ways to disconnect, different spaces for prayer and silence – hiking outdoors, participating in a contemplative prayer group, signing up for retreat, Adoration before the Blessed Sacrament, or taking time to garden. Each of us has to find our own mountain where we can retreat to in this New Year.  So instead of making New Year’s resolutions, this year I am going to focus on scheduling time on my calendar to slow my pace and climb a mountain.

(Originally published in January 2015 edition of The Valley Catholic newspaper) 

La Morenita and her roses

She gifts us roses in December. We serenade her with mañanitas before dawn, matachines dance in the streets in her honor; you can hear the drums and singing as they approach –“La Guadalupana, La Guadalupana, La Guadalupana bajo del Tepeyac.” Why in December, in the midst of Advent and just four days after celebrating the Solemnity of the Immaculate Conception, do hundreds of thousands gather, sometimes in the rain and cold, throughout Mexico, the United States and other parts of the world to celebrate the Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe?

Desde el cielo una hermosa Mañana, our Blessed Mother, our Virgencita Morena, first appeared almost 500 years ago on Tepeyac to an Indian named Juan Diego, she appeared in 1531 during chaotic times with a message of love and hope. Her message in Nahuatl, the native tongue, changed hearts and restored people’s dignity. Volumes have been written about the significance of the apparitions that occurred Dec. 9 - 12. St. John Paul II, during his papacy declared her Patroness of all America and Star of the first and new evangelization. He even dedicated a chapel in her honor in St. Peter’s Basilica.

Pope Francis, in his message a year ago to the Americas on the Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe, said, “When the image of the Virgin appeared on the tilma of Juan Diego, it was the prophecy of an embrace: Mary’s embrace of all the peoples of the vast expanses of America – the peoples who already lived there, and those who were yet to come.” He said, “Mary’s embrace showed what America – North and South – is called to be: a land where different peoples come together; a land prepared to accept human life at every stage, from the mother’s womb to old age; a land which welcomes immigrants, and the poor and the marginalized, in every age. A land of generosity.”

This December as we reflect on the year and prepare to enter a new year, we witness in these Marian celebrations the joy of celebrating our faith, a joy which overflows and inspires us to share this publicly in the streets in a country that affords us the freedom to express our faith without fear of persecution or death. The procession in Brownsville for the celebration of Our Morenita has become one of my favorites. Sometimes the priests ride on horses carrying a banner with her image leading the matachines and floats with students reenacting the apparitions that occurred in 1531. Most of the parishes in the city participate and converge together from different routes for an outdoor Mass at Our Lady of Guadalupe Church on Lincoln Street. 

Our Lady of Guadalupe helps us remember to embrace our faith, trusting in her son to lead us on our daily pilgrimage; she helps us remember to embrace our culture, a culture of life, one strengthened by being true to our beliefs, our heritage, our languages y nuestra tierra. The Star of the New Evangelization, she guides us and encourages us to share the joy of the Gospel, to raise our voice, to show our love, to fight for justice. She who led the way, her image emblazoned on a flag as Father Miguel Hidalgo led the Mexican War of Independence, continues to lead the way to her son.

We have some fights ahead of us when it comes to religious freedom, speaking up for the vulnerable, and speaking up for ourselves. Our Holy Mother, la Morenita de Tepeyac, accompanies us. She who crushes the serpent, proceeds with love. She invites us to do the same. “No se turbe tu corazón” (“Do not let your heart be disturbed.”) Just as she promised Juan Diego, she promises us, “Am I not here, I, who am your Mother? Are you not under my shadow and protection? Am I not the source of your joy? Are you not in the hollow of my mantle, in the crossing of my arms? Do you need anything more? Let nothing else worry you, disturb you.”

I find comfort in lighting a candle before a wooden statue of the Virgencita Morena, carved and painted by an artisan in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico. She stands on the window sill in my kitchen. She is a constant companion. The summer I spent in San Miguel she appeared at every turn – she was embroidered with sequins on purses, used as adornment on earrings and pendants, printed on plastic shopping bags, even the landlord’s cat was named Guadalupe. Popular culture has made her an icon beyond the Church walls. She is linked with the Mexican identity, she is linked with her people. Our Blessed Mother will not be ignored. And in her gentle glance, consoles us and draws us to her son.

We honor her not just in December, but year round. December is the culmination of our thanks to the Holy Mother before her son’s long anticipated arrival on Christmas.  Just as she embraces us, we embrace her. We thank her for being our compassionate mother.

(Originally published in December 2014 edition of The Valley Catholic newspaper)

No one walks alone

On the Feast of the Guardian Angels I give thanks to God for never leaving me alone and for the different directions my life has taken throughout my pilgrimage walk.

Twenty-four years ago I became a mother and over the years I have discovered both the joys and the challenges that come from raising two children, now young adults.

The Altars of Repose

Spending time with our Lord

God’s graces overflowed at the Holy Thursday Mass and as we visited the Altars of Repose at seven different churches. My husband and I started at the Immaculate Conception Cathedral in Brownsville and made our way to our home parish St. Anthony Church in Harlingen, Texas

Among the churches we visited were Our Lady of Guadalupe Church where I was baptized; St. Joseph Church where Cesar received all his Sacraments of Initiation; and St. Luke’s Church where we were married. The pilgrimage filled us with immense joy. This was our first time to practice this ancient tradition. It was a grace-filled evening and a perfect start to the Triduum. 

Meet Me in the Desert (A Lenten Prayer)

Lord of Lent, Lord of Easter,
As you went into the desert
So do I follow
Putting aside that which distracts me
Grabs at me
Falsely claims me.

To search inside
To confront myself
My best, my worst
My good works and my sins.

And each time, I find you there
To call to me again
With words of challenge and words of mercy.

And as I fall to my knees, in prayer, in fasting
In sacrifice and penitence
Somehow, you have it in yourself to reach out
and gently lift me
To renew me
To claim me as nothing of this world can claim
me.

Meet me in the desert, Lord.
Claim me anew.

Amen.

Lenten prayer from Catholic Relief Services

Into the Desert

I look forward to Lent more and more each year.  I see the desert journey as an opportunity to reflect on my ways, on my steps and missteps. It’s a chance to get back to where I need to be, to readjust my direction according to God’s will. The desert provides an open space free of distractions. It’s up to us of course to eliminate the distractions that present themselves in our day to day walk.

Pope Francis said, “Lent calls us to “give ourselves a ‘shake-up.’” In his homily on Ash Wednesday he said, “With its calls to conversion, Lent comes providentially to rouse us, to shake us from our torpor, from the risk of moving forward [merely] by inertia.”

I need the shakeup. I need to be roused. Already, I feel the energy that comes from refocusing and putting aside all that weighs us. I’ve learned that the penitential practice of giving something up for Lent, may seem like a sacrifice at first, but actually it’s a blessing.  In the end, we are better for the experience. I find that fasting and giving something up makes more room in my life not only for prayer but also for family time and writing.  

As for the prescribed days of abstinence from meat on Ash Wednesday and Fridays, I can’t count these days as sacrifice as I crave, year round, the desert dishes served during the Lenten season, starting with nopalitos en salsa.

I do have some challenges ahead of me. By the grace of God, I pray I am roused into action.

A ver que nos espera en estos días en el desierto.