A question I should be asking myself: Are
all my activities in line with what matters?
My sister gave me some excellent advice a
few years ago, which echoes in my ears each time I am asked to take on a new
commitment. “Every time you say ‘no’ to a new request for your time, you are
saying ‘yes’ to your family.”
This holds true as well in our faith
lives. For as we say no to what is not important, we create room in our lives
to follow the Virgin Mary’s example and say yes to God.
However, in the midst of our busy buzz,
we need to pay close attention to what we are saying yes to. To do this it is
helpful to pause. In a world where we feel inclined toward rushing all the
time, multitasking on several projects at once, it seems awkward to pause. It’s as if we think that by stopping for bit
we might miss something.
Our capacity to discern, however,
requires time. Retreats can offer space for a needed pause, for a moment to
consider how we are using our time. The Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius of
Loyola include a helpful framework for discernment.
In his rules for discernment, St.
Ignatius explained the different motives, which influence our decisions as a
movement of spirits. He classified these as consolations and desolations.
Consolations move us toward deepening our relationship with God, while
desolations pull us away. “Our one choice,” he said, “should be this: I want
and choose what better leads to God’s deepening life in me.”
In the secular world, Stephen Covey,
author of the “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People,” suggests writing a
personal mission statement. He also offers a time management matrix for
organizing priorities. It includes a quadrant for what is 1. Urgent and
important; 2. Not urgent but important; 3. Urgent but not important; and 4. Not
urgent and not important.
As we focus on our priorities,
understanding our goals and objectives, we learn it’s okay to say
no. When we say “no” it helps us consider
our capacity for what we can add to our hours. More importantly, Saying no helps
us say yes to what matters.
Throughout our day, we are saying no to a
host of things before us – to new tasks, to temptations the modern world offers
such materialism, greed, gluttony; to emotions which are harmful – negativity, anger,
rage; to all that keeps us from saying yes to living more fruitful and grace-filled
days.
Just as we must measure and watch what we
eat and try to exercise our bodies to stay fit, it’s helpful to take a step
back from all our activities not only to recharge ourselves, but also to get
some perspective. I know firsthand that saying yes too often can lead to
overextending myself.
We have to ask ourselves, are we addicted
to busy or to being tethered, always connected to our mobile devices and social
media notifications?
When it comes to saying no, I draw
inspiration from my sister Leslie who said no to her profession as a stockbroker
and later as a teacher so she could focus on her family. Also, from my friend
Zulema, who despite a fulltime job and raising a six-year-old, found time to
train for her first half Ironman race in May. She did this by saying no to new
projects and to television and saying yes to exercise. I think, too, of all the
priests and the religious men and women in our diocese who have said yes to
God’s call and said no to another vocation.
As we evaluate where we are and the
direction, we recognize God may be trying to get our attention and alter our
course. We can’t say yes to everything. What can you say no to that would help
you say yes to something that truly needs your attention?
(Originally
published in July 2017 edition of The Valley Catholic newspaper)
