I am thankful to those
who caught one of our mistakes in the June edition of The Valley Catholic.
After experiencing a litany of emotions — unsettled, disappointed, and
embarrassed among others — we made the correction and looked for ways to avoid
repeating the error again.
While we were able to
correct it for the online edition, the error made us realize that we must be
more vigilant and careful, but also that we are human. A priest once advised me
that no matter how careful we try to work out every detail, we are bound to end
up with some espinitas
(small thorns). These espinitas,
he said, remind us we are not God, that we are imperfect beings in need of
God’s graces to guide us in everything we do.
Confronting our
imperfections is not an easy task. Worse, the fear of making a mistake, of
being less than perfect, can paralyze us from moving forward. I think it is one
of the top reasons we sometimes procrastinate.
This summer I returned
to a quilting project I started 14 years ago. In the quilting world, we refer
to these as UFOs (Unfinished Objects). One of the women in the sewing circle
was shocked that I had not finished the quilt. It gave her anxiety to think of
a project sitting in a closet all these years in limbo.
Other priorities and
projects got in the way, I explained. I have tendency to take on too many
projects, and naturally, family, work and writing take top billing. But after
thinking about it further, I realized the reason stemmed from something more,
namely a fear of not doing a good job, of ending up with a less than perfect
quilt.
Over the years, I have
improved my skills at piecing together quilt tops and have become proficient at
hand applique, one of my favorite techniques. However, I am limited in my
skills when it comes to making the quilt sandwich and quilting the layers
together. Which is why I hesitated to finish the quilt, and instead opted to
start another, and then another. Confession: I have six quilt tops waiting to
be finished. I also have several manuscripts of writing that are waiting as
well.
I started this year
determined to bring these UFOs to completion. The first quilt I finished
shortly before the New Year carries a few imperfections that I am not happy
with, but these imperfections I realize now are part of my learning process.
They help give me courage to try again. This imperfect quilt serves as a lesson
that sometimes we have to give ourselves permission to make mistakes. And as
Betina, one of my dear quilting friends points out, a finished quilt is better
than an unfinished quilt stored away in a closet.
This summer I finished a
second one, a wall hanging that features a Rosary of hand-appliqued roses. I
started it as a Lenten project years ago. I lost track of how many hours it
took me to cut out each petal and hand stitch each one into 53 rose buds and
five larger roses. After all the hours I invested, I was afraid of ruining it
with my novice quilting skills. But with each project I gain a bit more
confidence. I am also finding the courage to be imperfect. Unless you look too closely, my espinitas
are not easy to spot.
With each step forward,
I recognize we are always learning, and on this route, we are bound to make
mistakes. There is a great humility in knowing our weakness. It also takes
courage to be imperfect.
What have you stored
away or ignored? What have you been avoiding because you are afraid to make a
mistake? Just as we are works in progress and just as the Lord is merciful with
us, we should be merciful with ourselves. Yes, we all want to strive for
perfection. But in order to move forward, we have to give ourselves permission
to make mistakes, to learn from them, and to embrace the humility of our
imperfect selves and ask for help and guidance when needed.
(Originally
published in July 2019 edition of The Valley Catholic newspaper)
