Transitions, letting go and new beginnings

Our little birds will fly

Joy overflowed on the eve of New Year’s Eve, Dec. 30, as my son and new daughter-in-law were married at the Immaculate Conception Cathedral in Brownsville.

The bride’s talented mother did a beautiful job overseeing all the details for their themed wedding – “Let love grow.” The Wedding Mass and reception provided the perfect occasion to celebrate their new beginning as husband and wife and as leaders of their “domestic church.” It also provided a perfect backdrop to gather family and friends.

As mother of the groom, I held fewer responsibilities. I did not have to worry about all the details. While I usually tend to juggle multiple projects with a checklist in hand, always feeling pressured for time, on this occasion I welcomed the grace of time to pray before Mass, to be present for family, to take in each moment.

The flurry of emotions such a milestone moment brings caught me off guard. Lydia Pesina with the Family Life Office reminds us often that every stage of family life comes with rewards and losses. Rewards are obvious as we celebrate the sacrament of marriage. Yes. I know: “I am not losing a son; I am gaining a daughter.” This certainly brings our family great joy.

However, we do not often speak about the losses. These losses are part of the transitions that take place as children leave the nest and start their own families. Naturally, we want this for our children. We want them to become independent responsible adults. Over the years, we have walked through various stages – learning how to drive, leaving for college, living on their own, becoming financially independent, and now marriage.

At each stage, our roles as parents change, as do our relationships. They no longer depend on us in the same way as when they were children. Holidays will take on a different feel as they divide their time between families and start their own traditions. And I am now a mother-in-law and no longer the main woman in my son’s life. I can accept these roles. We learn to let go. Learn to trust more and more in God to guide them. However, we continue to worry about their health, their safety, their wellbeing.

I confess, though, that hearing my son refer to his mother-in-law and me as his “two moms” stung a bit. That is a role I am not quite ready to share. Although I am grateful that his new in-laws love my son, it will still take some time for me to adjust. I can accept that I am no longer the main woman in my son’s life, but the role of a mother is different.

I remember the words the deacon at St. Anthony Parish in Harlingen shared 27 years ago as he led the baptismal classes. He reminded us parents and godparents that our children are on loan to us from God. Hence, as I let go and celebrate new beginnings, I recall the words of St. James who tells us to “consider it all joy.” Jas 1:2

I also focus my eyes on our Blessed Mother Mary, who is an example for all mothers. I invite you to share your stories and consejos about some of your transitions and letting-go moments as your children set out to live their own lives. As we share, we learn together.

 

For now, I treasure each second my son and I shared during the mother-son dance. My son chose the song titled “The First Lady in My Life,” by Paul Todd.  We laughed; we cried; we shared a private moment even as everyone watched.

I am grateful for my role as a mother. I know too, my role as a prayer warrior will grow, and no matter how old my adult children are, I will continue to give them a blessing before they depart my home or my presence.

(Originally published in February 2018 edition of The Valley Catholic newspaper)

Finding joy in the darkness

Fear can paralyze us. After my father died, it took me more than a year and a half to return to his home, my childhood home. With windows boarded up and weeds growing, the house sat abandoned until recently when I finally decided, and with my siblings’ promptings, that it was time.

I was overwhelmed. The emotions of dealing with my father’s home coursed through the full spectrum. But I found strength to find the positive side of the situation.

Pope Francis in his message for the 51st World Communications Day addressed the theme “‘Fear not, for I am with you’ (Is 43:5): Communicating hope and trust in our time.” In his message, he said, “Everything depends on the way we look at things, on the lens we use to view them.”

We need to remember this in the dark days that emerge from time to time in our lives. Through health struggles, family dramas, financial burdens. Also, we can’t escape the headlines filled with the tragedies occurring near and far.

James in his letter tells us, “Consider it all joy, my brothers, when you encounter various trials, for you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance” (Jas 1: 2-3).

“Consider it all joy.” Easier to consider when we are not living in the middle of the storm. How do we proceed when it’s too dark to see? James reminds us we must ask God for wisdom, and that we must do so with faith. (Jas 1: 5-6)

It also requires us to consider the lens we use to view a moment we are living. Jun Ellorimo, a triathlete and trainer in Harlingen, shared with our group, “Struggles, challenges, obstacles, or anything that falls in that line are a part of life. We will all encounter that. As Christians, we are not spared from it.” Some struggles, he said, “will either 1. Destroy us; 2. Define us; or 3. Develop us. It’s our choice.”

Pope Francis in his message proposed, “that all of us work at overcoming that feeling of growing discontent and resignation that can at times generate apathy, fear or the idea that evil has no limits.”

“I would like, then, to contribute to the search for an open and creative style of communication that never seeks to glamorize evil but instead to concentrate on solutions and to inspire a positive and responsible approach on the part of its recipients.”

If we are to find solutions, we must rely on the gifts of the Holy Spirit. The Feast of Pentecost this month on June 4 is a good time to remember that we are each given gifts to share. Remembering, too, that we can’t share the gifts if we allow ourselves to be paralyzed by fear and other trials.

In our communication ministry, we recognize we have an important responsibility to share the stories in our diocese, a diocese that serves more than one million Catholics here in the Rio Grande Valley. In sharing the stories, we can see how God is always at work in our lives, we can indeed “consider it all joy.”

I am grateful for the grace to serve in this ministry and to do as Pope Francis asks, “offer people of our time storylines that are at heart ‘good news’.”

As Pope Francis notes in his World Communications Day message, “This good news – Jesus himself – is not good because it has nothing to do with suffering, but rather because suffering itself becomes part of a bigger picture.” He adds, “In Christ, God has shown his solidarity with every human situation.”

I’m not finished with my father’s home, with the emptying and sorting through what he left behind. I know too there are other moments that will test me, but I trust God will help me “fear not,” for he is with me. I also trust he will put people on my path to remind me and that we will remind and help each other find the joy in each moment.