Finding the courage to be imperfect

How embarrassing to confess one’s imperfections to the world. However, when you write and work in communications, any misstep is bound to end up in the public eye. As much as we try to avoid mistakes, we grimace when it happens.

I am thankful to those who caught one of our mistakes in the June edition of The Valley Catholic. After experiencing a litany of emotions — unsettled, disappointed, and embarrassed among others — we made the correction and looked for ways to avoid repeating the error again.

While we were able to correct it for the online edition, the error made us realize that we must be more vigilant and careful, but also that we are human. A priest once advised me that no matter how careful we try to work out every detail, we are bound to end up with some espinitas (small thorns). These espinitas, he said, remind us we are not God, that we are imperfect beings in need of God’s graces to guide us in everything we do.

Confronting our imperfections is not an easy task. Worse, the fear of making a mistake, of being less than perfect, can paralyze us from moving forward. I think it is one of the top reasons we sometimes procrastinate.

This summer I returned to a quilting project I started 14 years ago. In the quilting world, we refer to these as UFOs (Unfinished Objects). One of the women in the sewing circle was shocked that I had not finished the quilt. It gave her anxiety to think of a project sitting in a closet all these years in limbo.

Other priorities and projects got in the way, I explained. I have tendency to take on too many projects, and naturally, family, work and writing take top billing. But after thinking about it further, I realized the reason stemmed from something more, namely a fear of not doing a good job, of ending up with a less than perfect quilt.

Over the years, I have improved my skills at piecing together quilt tops and have become proficient at hand applique, one of my favorite techniques. However, I am limited in my skills when it comes to making the quilt sandwich and quilting the layers together. Which is why I hesitated to finish the quilt, and instead opted to start another, and then another. Confession: I have six quilt tops waiting to be finished. I also have several manuscripts of writing that are waiting as well.

I started this year determined to bring these UFOs to completion. The first quilt I finished shortly before the New Year carries a few imperfections that I am not happy with, but these imperfections I realize now are part of my learning process. They help give me courage to try again. This imperfect quilt serves as a lesson that sometimes we have to give ourselves permission to make mistakes. And as Betina, one of my dear quilting friends points out, a finished quilt is better than an unfinished quilt stored away in a closet.

This summer I finished a second one, a wall hanging that features a Rosary of hand-appliqued roses. I started it as a Lenten project years ago. I lost track of how many hours it took me to cut out each petal and hand stitch each one into 53 rose buds and five larger roses. After all the hours I invested, I was afraid of ruining it with my novice quilting skills. But with each project I gain a bit more confidence. I am also finding the courage to be imperfect.  Unless you look too closely, my espinitas are not easy to spot.

With each step forward, I recognize we are always learning, and on this route, we are bound to make mistakes. There is a great humility in knowing our weakness. It also takes courage to be imperfect.

What have you stored away or ignored? What have you been avoiding because you are afraid to make a mistake? Just as we are works in progress and just as the Lord is merciful with us, we should be merciful with ourselves. Yes, we all want to strive for perfection. But in order to move forward, we have to give ourselves permission to make mistakes, to learn from them, and to embrace the humility of our imperfect selves and ask for help and guidance when needed.

(Originally published in July 2019 edition of The Valley Catholic newspaper)

Learning together and the art of accompaniment

We learn from one another. We are always learning. God did not want us to be know-it-alls working independent of each other. He wanted us to work together, to serve one another. As St. Catherine of Siena shared, God wants us to need one another.

We read in her Dialogue, a collection of her spiritual writings, “I have distributed them all (gifts and graces) in such a way that no one has all of them. Thus have I given you reason — necessity, in fact — to practice mutual charity. … I wanted to make you dependent on one another so that each of you would be my minister, dispensing the graces and gifts you have received from me.”

Understanding “we do not evangelize alone or in a vacuum; we need each other,” the bishops of the United State convened a historical gathering in July, the Convocation of Catholic Leaders: The Joy of the Gospel in America.  More than 3,500 people (bishops, priests, religious and lay leaders) gathered in Orlando, Fla., the first four days in July to “reflect, pray and discern together … to renew our baptismal commitment to be missionary disciples …” Our goal – focus on how to reach all the peripheries and share the Joy of the Gospel.

While there is certainly much to unpack and process from the talks and conversations that took place, I return with hope, energized for the journey ahead. In the words of Archbishop Christophe Pierre, apostolic nuncio to the United States, who spoke at the closing Mass, “The spirit is alive in the Church in the United States.”

Among my pages of notes, five points stand out in regard to what is needed from each of us – 1. a renewal of joy; 2. to grow our own faith; 3. to go out in a spirit of mission; 4. to be present and accompany others; 5. to go out to the peripheries. 

Our starting point begins with joy, as it is Pope Francis’ Apostolic Exhortation Evangelii Gaudium (The Joy of the Gospel), which brought us together. “We, your pastors, believe with Pope Francis, that a renewal of joy is essential for a deepening Catholic vitality and confidence at this moment,” said Cardinal Timothy Dolan, archbishop of New York, during his homily at the convocation opening Mass. He quoted philosopher Leon Bloy, who said, “Joy is the infallible sign of God’s presence.”

How do we find joy? Cardinal Dolan shared a story of St. Teresa of Calcutta who said you find joy by looking at the word; each letter outlines our priorities: 1. J, Jesus; 2. O, Others; and 3. Y, Yourself. 

During the convocation, Bishop Frank J. Caggiano of Bridgeport emphasized the importance of our interior lives and a radical response. He said it begins as well with humility. Humility, he said, “is needed amongst all of us so that we can come together as a family and create a home.” He asked a telling question, “How many times does our own selfishness and ego get in the way of missionary discipleship?”

I think this question reminds us of our role as lifelong learners. The understanding that we are always learning helps keep our egos in check before they explode into arrogance. No matter how many years I have in the communications field, I find there is always something more to learn. In July, I signed up for another writing class. Even though I write every day, I realize there is so much more to learn. It also provides an opportunity to get feedback from my colleagues as we learn from one another.

I am thankful as well for the grace of this column space and for each of you who read what I share each month. I don’t come before you as an expert, but as a humble servant putting ideas on the page, learning, sharing, wanting to learn more.

As we share, we give witness. It is a part of going out, a spirit of mission. As noted in the convocation Participant Guidebook and Journal, “Each of us is called to witness Christ in the world.”

Pope Francis in Evangelii Gaudium, tells us we “can make present the fragrance of Christ’s closeness and his personal gaze.” To do this, the Holy Father notes, “The Church will have to initiate everyone – priests, religious and laity – into this ‘art of accompaniment’ which teaches us to remove our sandals before the sacred ground of the other (cf. Ex 3:5). The pace of this accompaniment must be steady and reassuring, reflecting our closeness and our compassionate gaze which also heals, liberates and encourages growth in the Christian life.” (EG 169)

The “Art of Accompaniment” certainly reminds us that we walk with one another. We focus on the other, our neighbors near and far. “As we journey together,” said Cardinal Donald Wuerl, archbishop of Washington, “may we each grow closer to the Lord.”

We have much work ahead of us. As Archbishop Pierre, said before we departed the convocation, “Our mission is beginning. It is always beginning.” And in the words he quoted from a child, “¡Vamos gente; muevanse para Jesus!” 

As a recap, I leave your with a string of hashtags, as I like how they can serve as quick summary – #joy #service #other #humility #accompaniment #witness #missionarydisciple #lifelonglearner.

(Originally published in August 2017 edition of The Valley Catholic newspaper)