Our
little birds will fly
Joy overflowed on the eve of New Year’s Eve, Dec. 30,
as my son and new daughter-in-law were married at the Immaculate Conception
Cathedral in Brownsville.
The bride’s talented mother did a beautiful job
overseeing all the details for their themed wedding – “Let love grow.” The
Wedding Mass and reception provided the perfect occasion to celebrate their new
beginning as husband and wife and as leaders of their “domestic church.” It
also provided a perfect backdrop to gather family and friends.
As mother of the groom, I held fewer responsibilities.
I did not have to worry about all the details. While I usually tend to juggle
multiple projects with a checklist in hand, always feeling pressured for time,
on this occasion I welcomed the grace of time to pray before Mass, to be
present for family, to take in each moment.
The flurry of emotions such a milestone moment brings
caught me off guard. Lydia Pesina with the Family Life Office reminds us often
that every stage of family life comes with rewards and losses. Rewards are
obvious as we celebrate the sacrament of marriage. Yes. I know: “I am not
losing a son; I am gaining a daughter.” This certainly brings our family great
joy.
However, we do not often speak about the losses. These
losses are part of the transitions that take place as children leave the nest
and start their own families. Naturally, we want this for our children. We want
them to become independent responsible adults. Over the years, we have walked
through various stages – learning how to drive, leaving for college, living on
their own, becoming financially independent, and now marriage.
At each stage, our roles as parents change, as do our
relationships. They no longer depend on us in the same way as when they were
children. Holidays will take on a different feel as they divide their time
between families and start their own traditions. And I am now a mother-in-law
and no longer the main woman in my son’s life. I can accept these roles. We
learn to let go. Learn to trust more and more in God to guide them. However, we
continue to worry about their health, their safety, their wellbeing.
I confess, though, that hearing my son refer to his
mother-in-law and me as his “two moms” stung a bit. That is a role I am not
quite ready to share. Although I am grateful that his new in-laws love my son,
it will still take some time for me to adjust. I can accept that I am no longer
the main woman in my son’s life, but the role of a mother is different.
I remember the words the deacon at St. Anthony Parish
in Harlingen shared 27 years ago as he led the baptismal classes. He reminded
us parents and godparents that our children are on loan to us from God. Hence,
as I let go and celebrate new beginnings, I recall the words of St. James who
tells us to “consider it all joy.” Jas 1:2
I also focus my eyes on our Blessed Mother Mary, who is
an example for all mothers. I invite you to share your stories and consejos
about some of your transitions and letting-go moments as your children set out
to live their own lives. As we share, we learn together.
For now, I treasure each second my son and I shared
during the mother-son dance. My son chose the song titled “The First Lady in My
Life,” by Paul Todd. We laughed; we
cried; we shared a private moment even as everyone watched.
I am grateful for my role as a mother. I know too, my
role as a prayer warrior will grow, and no matter how old my adult children
are, I will continue to give them a blessing before they depart my home or my
presence.
(Originally
published in February 2018 edition of The Valley Catholic newspaper)
